Poop Cannon

Advance warning to all those who don't want to read a post on bowel movements, you might want to stop right now. So, our little gal has been having intestinal issues practically from her first day. After her initial diaper in the hospital it took her a week to have another. After that, she seemed to be doing ok the next couple of days, but I noticed a pattern of grunting and groaning and discomfort after feedings and before trying to poop. It has gradually gotten worse again, and now her discomfort has led to screaming and a very unhappy baby. I have spoken with the nurse and pediatrician on a couple of occasions as we tried to help Joelle gain weight her first week which she was also having trouble with because of her refusal to nurse. The doctor explained that some newborns are still trying to figure out how to work all those important bathroom muscles and sometimes take long to get it right. They suggested that if it becomes a problem we can grease up a Q-tip with vassaline and gently "put it in the appropriate place" to help Joelle along. If that didn't work, they said they could give her some type of laxative I guess.

I have waited to use the Q-Tip, I really didn't want to do it, but yesterday Joelle was miserable and I wanted her to sleep better which she hasn't been doing either, so I got the Q-tip ready. Chase took her first though in a last ditch effort to spare Joelle from the Q-Tip. He rubbed her tummy (which worked before), and put her in the appropriate "pooping position". He did this for quite sometime with no results, so it was time for the Q-Tip.

I got the diapers, wipes, diaper pad, and commensed the Q-Tip proceedure. I barely did anything, thankfully I guess it doesn't take much, I was afraid of damaging her permanently. So, some poop came out. After not pooping for a couple of days though, I figured there was more to come and "Q-Tipped" a little again and a ton came this time. Having 4 other children, I remembered that sometimes when you think the kid is done doing their business, he/she is really not done and you need to leave a little time before removing the diaper. Well, I thought I had given enough time and there was plenty of poop, so I started cleaning up and getting ready to put another diaper down. Now usually I have a clean diaper already set up underneath the dirty one, but had not done it this time, I guess I was distracted by the whole Q-Tip thing. So, Joelle took that opportunity to let it rip. It shot out like a cannon and I screamed. I've been pooped on plenty of times, but this was all in a class of it's own. Chase had been helping me by holding her legs and so we just busted up laughing. I started to clean up again, thinking this surely was the last of it. Apparently, Joelle was just getting warmed up, because she let it all go again, of course it was all over me, this time it was my other hand. I was wearing a white shirt of course, I should learn to never wear white, only bad things happen when I wear white. Both sleeves were covered in baby poop, along with one sock and my pants. Luckily, the floor was pretty much spared except for a tiny spot. My dad had come downstairs by now wondering what the heck was going on, which was fortunate, because I was covered in poop, out of reach of more baby wipes(I had gone through all of the wipes in the diaper bag), and Chase was limited to what he could do, because he was holding Joelle so she wasn't rolling in poop. I'm sure anyone watching would wonder if we'd ever had kids before. Nothing like a newborn with poop issues to bring it all back to you.

So, now I think she has got to be done by now, but NO! I have another diaper ready, but she starts peeing before I can get it down, then I thought she was done again and lifted it off to get another clean diaper and this time she starts to pee and poop AGAIN! I lost count of how many diapers we went through, maybe 5, some didn't even make it on her bottom but got squirted. Poor kid, no wonder she has been so miserable. I'm sure as Joelle gets older she won't appreciate her new nickname of being the poop cannon. Bailey, on the other hand will probably be happy now that Joelle has replaced her with a worse baby poop story.

I guess the moral of this fascinating poop story is to never stick a Q-Tip in a baby's rectum unless you are absolutely desperate, and you are completely prepared for what the results will be.